Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
