he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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