i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
