Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
