i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
