his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
