She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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