i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
