You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
