i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
