Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize