I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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