my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
