Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
