Barsexuality is the new black.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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