and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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