Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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