It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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