Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
