woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
