someone threw a dead crab at me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
