D3 body, D1 cock
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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