just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
