Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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