You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
