i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
