HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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