I want to make a zoo with you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
