I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is glitter all over my balls
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