that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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