yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
