I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
