dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize