I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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