i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
