you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize