was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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