we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your penis caused this!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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