Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize