she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
so much tequila, so little girl.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
