I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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