dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
