ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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