Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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