Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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