Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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