Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize