i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You smell like stripper and shame
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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