Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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