Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
