so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
