He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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