My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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