this beer tastes like vomit already
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Text me some of your sweat
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
