margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
