I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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