im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
