Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
