yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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