WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
