We're facebook friends in real life
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
