That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This house was built for laser tag.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
