Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
