Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
