I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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