I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize